We are a group of concerned citizens who believe that religious extremism is responsible for the majority of human suffering in the world today, from wars and terrorism to disease and poverty. Whether it be men with a silly hats in southern Europe, men with a different but equally silly hats in the middle east or a man without a hat or a clue in the US, religious zealots cause hardship and suffering every single day.

This being the case we here at C.A.R.E are calling for all those people with strongly held religious beliefs, regardless of faith or denomination, to blow themselves up asap for the good of humanity.

Not only will this mean that the rest of us will no longer have to be subjected to your ideals and differences, but your deaths will provide us with dramatic and entertaining news footage. After all, once we have freed ourselves from religion, TV will be the only god.

Once our campaign takes off we hope to take control of empty churches, mosques, synagogues, temples etc and convert them into homeless shelters and youth clubs. This is not because we care about homeless people or youths particularly but rather that we don't want to have to look at them when driving to and from the office.

Some believers may find themselves faced with an ethical conflict regarding the opinion of the almighty with regards suicide. C.A.R.E assures everyone so concerned that as your act will so benefit humanity, you will definitely be forgiven and enter whatever spangly paradise you believe to exist after death.

This said, if anyone finds that, having successfully committed explosive suicide, they have been damned for all eternity for their actions, or have simply ceased to be, they should contact C.A.R.E immediately. Under such circumstances we will publish a full apology and revise our guidelines, this is the C.A.R.E promise.

So if you're religious and would like to do the world a favour, or maybe you'd like to help us in our campaign with ideas or funds, please contact us via this website @ I_A_A_T@hotmail.com , and we'll send you a full information pack* (Please mention C.A.R.E in the subject line.)

(* information packs subject to availability)