Are you frustrated with life? Sick and tired of the daily grind? Maybe you've thought about ending it all but don't want to just slip away quietly. Well if you're looking for a cause that can both fund a spectacular suicide and dress it up to look like it means something, you've come to the right place.

G.R.I.N is an agency set up for people just like you. We have an extensive database of extremist religious and political groups currently recruiting suicide bombers and will guarantee to match you to a local and appropriate cause or your money back.

The process is quick and simple and our friendly staff will guide you through each step of the way. Just email us through this website @ I_A_A_T@hotmail.com, mentioning G.R.I.N in the subject line, and tell us about your background, your reasons for wanting to become a suicide bomber and ideas or preferences for a cause you may have.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Do I have to be Muslim?

Not at all! It is a widespread misconception that only Muslims become suicide bombers. Here at G.R.I.N our database is second to none and contains groups of violent extremists from every religious or political persuasion. Whatever your background or beliefs we guarantee to find someone who will twist them to justify quite horrific acts of violence or your money back!

2. Do I have to be young/male?

It is true that most of our clients are angry young men but G.R.I.N receives requests all the time from older men and women of all ages and, being a 21st century company, G.R.I.N's services are available to all. In fact, thanks to the government's recently announced intentions to focus a higher proportion of police attention on young Asian men, the demand for women and older men as suicide bombers has increased dramatically.

Subsequently, for a limited time only all men over 50 and female applicants will receive a 10% discount from their introductory fee. Act fast however as it will only take one smartly dressed middle aged man, or one pretty young girl, to blow themselves up and the government will extend the measures currently used against young Asian men to everyone.

3. What if I change my mind?

Once a client has agreed to work with a group they are free to pull out at any time. You should be aware, however, that once the agreement is made G.R.I.N cannot refund any of the money you have paid to us and we are not responsible for the actions of the group you let down.

Clients should also be aware that if you fail as a suicide bomber and are caught by the UK authorities you will be locked in a stone box for the rest of your life without charge or trial. If caught by the US authorities you will be taken abroad, tortured for information, then locked in a steel cage for the rest of your life without charge or trial.

So if you think suicide bombing may be for you but don't know who's name to do it in or even where to get started, contact us at the address above and we'll send you a free 'Rough Guide to Martyrdom'* to get you started. We're here to make your dreams, and everyone else's worst fears, come true. Where do you want to blow today?

(*subject to availability)